Tuesday, March 02, 2010

MAGPIE TALES: The 1KG Pledge

"Oprah, are you ready to take the one 1kg pledge?" Arnie Trausdale asked, handing her the lead pendant.

How high he had climbed from working in the stock room at Lord & Taylor six years ago. Then he realized a dream by opening that little shop, really more a stall, in the Rengdorff Village Plaza. Nothing but hats and hand painted ties were sold a first. He served hibiscus-fennel tea for free at first until its full health benefits became better understood. He soon started spouting health advice as he sold packets of tea with the new line of t-shirts, and his first book came out the following spring.

By autumn there was a shop downtown across from Saks and one up in far north Carvaille, both carrying the moniker of the original shop at One Kimes Grove that had been shortened to 1KG. The media outreach began by accident when he filled in for Herve Hersch, the holistic hypnotist who'd come down with yak flu after his trip to Bhutan, and Arnie was brought in as a last minute replacement on the early, early show at 5 a.m. Obviously someone was watching since a national franchise followed the following season as well as his Sirius radio pilot and eventual Bravo series that combined Qi Gong, retro Jazzercize and Croatian Vraz Vorg Vaggle twists. Diet tips with a visualization of one's new fashion silhouette all as one channeled the "1kg lifestyle". That visualization centered around wearing the weighty pendant like a scarlet letter until achieving each month's goal -- dropping 1kg in order to fit into Arnie's Euro fashions for the next season.

Sitting under the studio lights in Chicago, Arnie passed the pendant to Oprah.

"Wow, it's heavy," she said.

"It's precisely 1kg," Arnie sniffed.

"Which is...around a couple of pounds. What? Yeah, Gail says it's like 2.2005 pounds."

"Oprah," Arnie said, grabbing her hand, "The key to embracing the 1kg lifestyle is not trying to translate into pounds but to live the life of metrics. The time has come for the U.S. to be the last nation to enter the 21st century."

"Wow, that's heavy, Arnie. I mean the concept, not just the pendant." Oprah strung the pendant to the gold chain around her neck.

The following month, it was announced that 1kg would be the premier program on the O Network.

(Our contribution to this week's Magpie Tales.)

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22 Comments:

At 1:39 AM, Blogger Lorenzo said...

You, sir, have one fine and wicked sense of humor. One day anthropologists should mine your blog to learn more about our wonderful and absurd age. I hope they laugh as hard as I do.

Great stuff, Ladrón.

 
At 2:57 AM, Blogger Brian Miller said...

lol, oh we indeed have our absurdities..nice magpie.

 
At 4:52 AM, Blogger willow said...

Yak flu ...sqauwk!! The funny thing is, I can see this happening!

 
At 5:48 AM, Blogger spacedlaw said...

Interesting story! Good take on the prompt.

 
At 7:00 AM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Lorenzo - I think Stanford will be offering their blog anthropology MBA program this fall.

Brian - Absurd? I guess my 1kg weight plan won't fly then.

Willow - That does give you pause about heading off to Bhutan, doesn't it?

Spacedlaw - Thanks.

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger Vicki Lane said...

Yak flu -- love it. And what a great take on the prompt! Witty and more. Plus, I can see it all happening...

 
At 11:27 AM, Blogger steviewren said...

Nice way to use the photo prompt. Your story has me wondering...would I weigh more of less if the USA changed to the metric system? It less, I vote yes.

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Stevie - Get your Y1N1 (yak flu) vaccine now.

Vicki - If I understand the conversion correctly, yes one's weight would be about half the number in pounds.

 
At 10:59 PM, Blogger joanny said...

I am so glad I took the time to check out your blog -- mainly because I liked the blog title --plain and simple,
this is one heck of a great story -- it is so absurd that it is not in the least.. a painful contradiction of the truth of our society. It sort of reminds me of the scene in the movie "Forrest Gump" -- where he wind up with a following when he started to run and people were following like he was some sort of guru -- I was laughing so loud -- my family was wondering what the deal was.
Please do write more. .

Joanny

 
At 11:00 PM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Joanny - Thanks for dropping in. I guess there's a bit of "Being There" in it too.

 
At 11:11 PM, Blogger CarmenT said...

What is this 1kg challenge thing about?

By the way, I found you on another blog I just joined (as I just did yours). I liked the comment you make there and checked you out.

Look forward to reading your blog more in the future.

 
At 11:13 PM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Carmen - Thanks for dropping in. The idea of the 1kg pledge is to wear the 1kg pendant each month until you drop 1kg of your body weight.

 
At 3:38 AM, Blogger Lorenzo said...

I'm back just to let you know that I have included a link to this post on "Caught our eye ..." a new feature on my blog where I link to things that, well, catch my eye.

 
At 6:41 AM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Lorenzo - Thanks! We are honored.

 
At 9:56 AM, Anonymous Jennifer said...

Funny!
"...wearing the weighty pendant like a scarlet letter until achieving each month's goal -- dropping 1kg in order to fit..." and wearing the metric system like an albatross? Oh the crosses we bear!

 
At 10:23 AM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Jennifer - Well, if anyone could get the U.S. to convert to metrics, I bet Oprah could. Maybe she should also start airing her show at 18:00 GMT while she's at it.

 
At 11:49 AM, Blogger Peter Goulding said...

No 1, Kymes Grove??
Bit of an advertising shark in you there, Ladron. Unnervingly plausible!

 
At 1:56 PM, Blogger chiccoreal said...

This could work! Expecially if profiled on Oprah! Love the inventiveness here!

 
At 2:05 PM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Chiccoreal - My agent is on the phone with her as I write this.

 
At 4:21 PM, Blogger Bachelor said...

I honestly thought of writing a tale about it hanging around someone's neck until I discovered the pounds.. hee hee... You've done a great job here, JT. A real cute funny! :) The Bach

 
At 12:07 AM, Blogger Kris said...

1 kg?

Easy!

 
At 7:23 AM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Kris - Easy as 1kg.

 

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