Neurotic Like Me

A (more or less) accurate transcription of a phone conversation

Wednesday, July 19 - 8:30 p.m.

Phone line ***-3925: Bring, bring, bring, bring, bring

Me: (Huffing from running from the back storage room, reeking of sweat, Fabuloso, Bon Ami, Target leather wipes and cucumber all surface wipes) Hell-oh…

Friend: Oh, hi, Gregg. I’m standing outside the Castro Theater and about to go in for the 8:45 p.m. screening of Johnny Guitar.

Me: Okay, cool.

Friend: It’s been a while since I’ve seen it on wide screen and I was thinking you were one of the few people who would be able to fully appreciate the whole neurosis of the film.

Me: I must say I am flattered by that characterization. Yeah, I knew it was going to be there and had thought about…

Friend: Well, if you really dash in the next 10 minutes you could still get here. (Comment/reality check: The Castro Theater is 2.11 miles and “8 minutes” away from me according to mapquest.com. That is a 40 minute walk; 10 minutes in a cab plus waiting 15-20 for the cab to get to my house; 8 minute drive plus 15-20 minutes searching for parking.)

Me: You know, I don’t know that I’ve ever seen it on a big screen, though I have it on a DVD from VHS transfer plus the Martin Scorsese interview. (Comment: imdb.com claims that there is a DVD available, but when you follow the link to amazon.com it says it's not available, but you can buy the above mentioned VHS for $59+) Gee, let me think, how long does it run?

Friend: Oh, about normal length, I think, 90 to 110 minutes.

Me: No, how long is the engagement or booking at the Castro Theater? Bluh, bluh. I mean how many more days is it there?

Friend: Through today – Wednesday. This is the last showing.

Me: Gee, I’d really like to see it, but it is kind of short notice.

Friend: Rent a helicopter if you must to get yourself over here.

Me: Okay, I’ll get Donatella on her cell now to get me in her ‘copter right now to paraphrase Miranda Priestly.

Friend: (After a short silence.) Well, I called just on the chance…

Me: I’m really trying be more impulsive, but I guess I’ll just have to say no this time. Sorry, don’t want to make you late for the screening.

Friend: Well, okay, see you Monday.

Okay, gee. Just when I said I should be getting out more!