Monday, November 12, 2007

How's Your Euskera, Irene?

As someone who is in a plane at least two times a month, I have yet to pull out an in flight magazine and find, usually in the first dozen or so pages a full page ad with a photo of this woman. Her blinding white veneers and golden tresses. If I'd come across her photo without context I'd peg her as either a South Florida madame or Vegas realtor. No, Irene Valenti is a self avowed matchmaker bringing together busy professionals in what she calls the "European tradition". I was just in Europe and I certainly never saw anyone with such trashy, flashy audacity as Irene.

According to her online bio, she's originally from Edmonton, Alberta -- which I'm sure is where she picked up all those European traditions. Again, seeing the photo out of context and I were asked to guess where she grew up I'd say Ashbury Park at best, more likely Newark or even lower down on the Jersey pecking order.

It's kind of sad to think that there are people out there that get in touch with Irene, since she's obviously raking in enough bucks to have her work her reputed old world charms. I honestly wish I had some bucks to blow just to have the satisfaction of seeing her expression when I filled out my profile, handed it to her and said, "What I'm really looking for Irene, is a Baske fisherman, with a donkey dong." I bet Irene can't even speak Euskera. Okay, mine's not that great either. However, I did hear from a Baske dude online who's coming to SF in a few months and it didn't cost me a cent. Sure, I hear similar things from guys in Nigeria and Malaysia, but I always bend the rules for the Baske. Are you sensing that there may be a theme coming to Junk Thief in the months ahead? Could be.

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At 10:24 PM, Blogger The Angry Young Man said...

When God was young, the Basques were old.

Gora euskera maitea, zoragarriena, euskaldunen artean
maitagarriena, Munduan sortu zanik
hizkuntzik zaharrena, gora ta gora euskaldunak eta gure euskera.!!!

At 5:38 AM, Blogger Ladron de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Young & Angry - Most impressive! Do you think Irene can speak it as well? What about Bambara?

At 7:32 AM, Blogger Salty Miss Jill said...

What, Irene doesn't deal in well-hung Basque fishermen?
Hell with her, you'll have one of your own soon. And he's a cutie!

At 11:55 AM, Blogger kusala ~ joe said...

Ashbury Park? Is that some new gentrified area of the Haight near the panhandle? I may need to remind you to watch your New Jersey-based insults, Mister.

At 12:00 PM, Blogger kimy said...

irene's gig is definitely a front.

basking with the basque

At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Huntington said...

No gentrification going in the Haight near the Panhandle, Kusala. Let me be the first to disabuse you of that notion. Our gutter punks would smoke the likes of Irene for breakfast.

At 1:37 PM, Blogger m00nchild said...

look at where her head hits the door handles. she has to be about 3'6" tall.

At 4:00 PM, Blogger rich bachelor said...

Generally what one finds in in-flight magazines are products and services that either no one needs at all or are so common that you probably already have one/some, repackaged as the hot new thing:
"Know what people in New York City like? Espresso!"

Irene's "services" are a bit specialized for this format, I'd have to say. Guess who's blowing a SkyMall exec.

At 5:23 PM, Blogger Gary said...

Irene is fabulous in that trashy, over processed way that I just adore. I know you are secretly loving it as well.

Some of these comments are a riot - you go on with your bad selves Kimy and Rich!

At 5:33 PM, Blogger jason said...

Don't waste your money.

There are some toggle buttons for :

Edmonton European traditions,
Donkey dong-ed

in's search function, I'm pretty sure.

At 8:46 PM, Blogger Ladron de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Jill - Oh, I would definitely prefer to find one on my own. I bet Irene would come up with one with flashy veneers and hair plugs.

K ~ J - Okay, first I want to apologize -- not to Irene but the the people of the Garden State and for not knowing my Asbury from an Ashbury a hole in the ground. I have actually had a number of personal and intimate encounters with the Garden State that will forever hold a special place in my heart. Irene? Neh. Bleh. Go back to Edmonton.

Kimy - I bet her Baske knowledge is limited to finding good restaurants in Brentwood at best.

Huntington - The thought of Irene standing in line for a burrito in the Haight with all her gold and white kind of gives me a thrill and to contemplate what would happen to her...

m00nchild - And look at how flat her head is, just right for holding a martini glass.

Rich - My entire home is decorated with Sky Mall finds. I was just hoping to order a Baske fisherman as the final accoutrement. Is that too much to ask?

Gary - Irene's trash is a reminder of why I am a thief of junk not trash. A thin line but a distinct one.

Jason - I didn't realize the Edmonton had joined the EU, but it's good to know I have someplace just a couple hours away to blow those few left over Euros.

At 6:24 PM, Blogger Robert said...

I'm thinking rules aren't the only things you'll be bending! ehehe! *big hugs*


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