Wednesday, August 27, 2008

August Atonement?

For much of my life I have been mildly religious, intuitively spiritual and embarrassedly superstitious. I have never been known to fear stepping on cracks or to avoid walking under ladders. But I'll often crack my window when driving over the Bay or Golden Gate Bridge. That's also somewhat practical since, were either bridge to collapse and I arrived alive at the bottom of the bay alive, the only way to escape and survive is with a window partially open to enable an escape and swin the the surface.

Another superstition I can't shake is that things come in four year cycles. Some cycles are more dramatic than others, and it's fitting that the U.S. Presidential election, summer Olympics and Leap Year -- all seemingly unrelated -- come in this cycle towards the end of summer. After seeing the Bill Clinton speech tonight and thinking back to living in Manhattan in August of 1992 and being filled with unbridled optimism about change, throwing cynicism to the wind, I am leaning that way again.

The first eight years of the new Millennium have been the personally most horrendous years of my life. After years of struggling professionally and financially, I achieved my greatest success during this time but simultaneously experienced the greatest personal losses of parents, friends, aunts, uncles, best friends, beloved pets, and loves gone awry. All of it left me with a desire to just hibernate and take no risks.

That's a stance I've never taken in life, and I am beginning to feel myself reversing that cycle.

Another theory is that in such years, the transition from August -- typically the most brutal, deadly month of the year -- there is a sudden shift into September which marks a number of important anniversaries for me. It is fitting that Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, usually comes at this time.

In the course of barely three days, I have heard from half a dozen people I thought as being "lost" or that I'd betrayed or had betrayed me. One was with me the night of September 11, and it seems several things have never been resolved between us. It feels that many hands that have been numb for too long have been reminded of and want to celebrate life and are reaching across the void. Autumn, my favorite season of all awaits and is beginning to feel like a beacon of life.

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At 5:01 PM, Blogger jason said...

a beautiful post.

At 5:07 PM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Jason - Thanks.

At 9:17 AM, Blogger mouse (aka kimy) said...

yeah to certain reversals of fortune.... joy and risk (within reason of course) to you!!

I too love the fall....I often used to say it was my favorite season, but then I start thinking about winter and all that bare beauty and how it gives permission to things like hibernation... and then there's spring and all that color and new life, not to mention cute baby ducks, bunnies, etc. and gosh even summer has it's moments.... but fall is indeed special for there's so much magic in how fall brings together so many things that are 'at odds' -

this year fall will bring together much with the scheduled grand blogger convergence in we might not be 'at odds' but I expect many will find the collection of plenty odd! odd and proud!!

great post with much to think about and many good wishes to you.

At 9:45 AM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Mouse - Yes, I love all the season, though summer is definitely my least favorite. I don't like radical extremes of weather but can handle cold much more than heat. I'm glad we do have a range of season in Northern California but miss having snow and summer rain.

At 4:10 PM, Blogger Salty Miss Jill said...

I am glad things are turning for you. :)
Another reason to toast while we're in Manhattan!

At 4:25 PM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Jill - Provided I don't get all depressed in the meantime.

At 5:13 PM, Blogger Gary said...

JT - How wonderful that things are turning around for you but I do hope that this four year cycle thing is false. That means I am in year one of a down cycle (for those I love anyway) and I do hope that this turns around vedy, vedy, soon.

It seems as though you could do with a little positivity and I hope this shift continues to go your way.

At 6:11 PM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Gary - Maybe it's the end of a bad cycle for you. Fingers crossed.

At 7:39 PM, Blogger Erudite Redneck said...

For everything there is a season, dude. Glad yours seems to be turning.

At 8:23 PM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

ER - Thanks. And I hope the same holds true for you.


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