Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The Clorox Code - Part 3 - Mystery Solved (Sort of)

At the end of the documentary "The History of America in Bleach", the CEO of Clorox came down a spiral staircase and signed black tablets with a Clorox bleach pen.

Sally Kellerman turned to me, rolled her eyes, and said, "Do you believe this shit? And I just wanted to find out the source of Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing."

Suddenly the lights dimmed and the above video cued up. Sally, Dan Brown and I swayed in synchronized rhythm in our seats. "Just love the Bee Gees," Dan said.

"Oh, who doesn't love the Bee Gees?" Sally added.

I nodded. Midway through the song, the screen rose and we saw the fellow (whose name was Dimitri) below along with his two brothers continuing the song in that familiar, high pitched harmony. Sally managed to capture this short clip at the end of the song on her iPhone before the Clorox brass stopped her from recording their next song.

"Oh, how cute, they sound just like the Bee Gees," Dan said.

"What do you mean," Dimitri shouted. "We are the Bee Gees."

"Yes," his brother Grover said. "The Gibb brothers just lip sync to our recordings. They can't sing a note. All those records were recorded by us!"

"Well, I always noticed that the music and the lip moves were always a tad off in their concerts," Sally added.

"Damned straight," Grover said. "They were on the stage getting all the bucks and glory while we were behind a screen doing all the real work. We got a bucket of minnows if we were lucky."

"But what does all this have to do with...Clorox?" I asked.

"We swim in pools..." Grover explained.

"...and pools need chlorine to stay clean..." Dimitri said with a wink. "...and we all know chlorine comes from..."

"'nuff said," Sally said.

They then put on hats and did their Night Fever medley. At the end of the show, the screen came back down with closing music and credits, and we noticed the acknowledgment of "Headgear by Millie's Marine Mammal Millinery of Mendocino". As we exited, young men in white suits holding daisies passed out cans of dolphin-free tuna and packets of Hidden Valley Ranch with instructions on how to make "unforgettable tuna salad".

"We never really solved the Clorox code, did we?" Dan said with certain self realization.

"Will you just shut up and let's zip up to Mendocino," Sally said. "I've got a great idea for my next night club routine."

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At 8:31 AM, Blogger Salty Miss Jill said...

The world awaits...


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