MAGPIE TALE: The Marking Down of Beauty

Our latest contribution to the Magpie Tales series

We all knew Latrice Williams would come back one day when 20 years ago she swaggered out of Joliet to seek her fame and fortune. How fitting that she is now working the fountain counter at the same Woolworth's where photos of her are stacked 10 high in the remainder bins next to LPs of Milton Berle singing Yellow Submarine and dakron aprons with rooster patterns.

She has even reverted back to her original name, Agnes Blanchburn.

Edna Cosgrove and Coeta Healdton whisper over the lime aids and pimento grilled cheese sandwiches Agnes serves them. They can remember the days when Agnes was better known for "putting on airs" after she came back from elocution and posture lessons from a tutor in Evanston.
Agnes always tried to present herself as the artistic type ever since she won the contest of Miss Studebaker of Kendall County and that artist from Ann Arbor breezed through town and painted so many portraits of her. He said he was going to submit some of them direct to the Studebaker designers and insist that her likeness should be used in the design of the hood ornaments for the 1932 model. Agnes had visions of dozens of chrome versions of herself coming down Michigan or Park avenues, glistening in the sun.
It was Detroit not Hollywood that came calling for Agnes when she entered the contest for Miss Buick 1935 but came in only fifth place but was featured as Miss August in calendars in the men's rooms of dealerships in the Upper Midwest. It was then that she adopted the name Latrice to avoid too much scandal back in Joliet. Soon she was actually off to California and making films, but in Encino not Hollywood or Culver City.
She adopted a number of other names -- Lillian Lushmore, Bernice Babcock, Colleen Coobaugh -- as she made a series of increasingly squalid potboilers. And before she knew it, she was 35, a marginally employed "actress" who primarily supported herself working at Van de Kamp's. Finally, she got a speaking role, albeit one line ("I think he went that way.") and in a B-picture, Revenge of Tarzan.And now, here she is back in Joliet. "This job at the counter is just transitional," she tells Coeta and Edna who nod in polite albeit mock understanding as they struggle to quiet their condescending giggles. "I think I will either teach acting or piano lessons. And I still have my ceramics. I could always pursue my craft in ceramics. I find glazing much more rewarding than the glare of the spotlight these days."

Junk Thief TV - Season 4, Episode 4: Will Success Spoil Alton V. Yowells, VII...or...Valley of the Yowells

What an exciting but cruel place is this business called show. Alton V. Yowells, VII gets a taste of the big time, but will he pay a price for this sudden whirlwind of recognition?

Dory on Dutch TV

Better than having an Easter basket filled with chocolate bunnies and Peeps is discovering a rare performance by Dory Previn. The video can't be embedded, but you can click here to see Dory on Dutch TV singing her classic "Mary C. Brown and the Hollywood Sign". It's probably one of the best tunes ever written about a starlet taking her life.

The little poetic intro is both forced and delightful in a mad way worthy of Dory.

And if you don't know the story about the tune's inspiration, Peg Entwistle, you can check her out here. And Dory? In case you are ill-informed she wrote all the lyrics for the songs in Valley of the Dolls.

Hollywood Regency

I am giving serious consideration to a radical make over of the Junk Plex. Although I will not part with my famed Ming Dynasty tea pots, Biedermeier chests, Catalaniste Modernisme mosaics, Burkinabe Bobo ceremonial masks or Mixtecan insect dye textiles. I've heard my motif as being described as Heidi-Mediterranean.

The new motif being considered is Hollywood Regency. I've spent a fair amount of time in Hollywood, and one of my favorite TV characters growing up was Hollywood Harry. That's not the real Hollywood Harry on the right. He had a top hat, but it was much larger, and he had a beard and tuxedo. Harry appeared every Friday on the Lunch with Ho Ho Show and was from Hollywood Corners, Oklahoma, and he always had an update on his latest projects "out on the coast". His voice was just like Paul McCartney's on "Monkberry Moon Delight". I've not been able to find any video clips of him on the show either, but here's one from a few years later when Ho Ho advanced from lunch to a show place.

About seven years ago, I was hit up by a guy whose boyfriend had just for a two year stint in Paris and he assured me that he was not looking for a one nighter but a permanent two year temp. There was something about his face that was very familiar, and as our conversation expanded to my childhood years, I learned that we did have a link. He was a nephew of Ho Ho's and had grown up in Connecticut where Ho Ho hailed from. Much as I cherished the thought of yet another Connecticut beau, the thought of waking up to see a 35-year-old Ho Ho out of make up was more than I could deal with.

I'd feel the same way if I ran into Hollywood Harry's kin too.

This whole remodel job may take a while since I'll need to sort out my investments which I've not checked lately. About ten years ago my investment adviser was concerned that I had so much of my money tied up in real estate in Carmel and Sea Cliff and diversified my assets by investing in stock in Web Van, Oldsmobile, Tower Records and Petopia. I've not checked those stocks in a long time, so I'm hoping they've increased enough to where I can afford the new decor.
So what exactly is Hollywood Regency? Two of the central components are Chinoiserie objets de arte and cove lighting. These were central to my formative years. I learned early on that nothing cove lighting makes everyone look 20 years young and 30 pounds thinner.

Central to the movement was former silent star William Haines who went on to sell his soul to the Reagans and Annenburgs. However, he had one of my favorite quotes: "I can only tell you this -- I would rather have taste than either love or money."

Movietown News: They're BACK!!!!

Milked? Hollywood Calls -- Again

It seems tinsel town just can't get enough of my little neighborhood. According to the local gossips, they are here to film a few scenes for Milk, though I have not run into Sean Penn or Gus Van Zandt. Ironically they are using the same house that served as the principle location for The Pursuit of Happyness, shot here in September of 2005. As many of you know, the JunkPlex appeared in that film, but Gus has yet to knock on my door to ask for a repeat performance.

Interactive Thursday - We Three

Yes, we know it's supposed to be Interactive Monday, but with travel it's been hard to be consistent and we decided do it when the mood struck us. This great photo was sent courtesy of the ever mysterious Friendatella. Can you name all three in the shot? What brought them together? Try scripting their dialog at this convergence. Too bad Eva Peron wasn't in town to join them.

Some Day I Shall Be Released

Junk Thief just got in from downtown for drinks and dinner with a friend and did a little DVD shopping before heading back home. He was in one of those, "let's see what I can nab for under $35 at Virgin." Try these three: Cleopatra Jones, Mulholland Drive (even though I've yet to watch my copy of Inland Empire) and The Day of the Locust. See a trend there? All set in L.A. All feature strong, quirky women. All feature a certain calamity and cultural clash in the land of sun and fun. Junk Thief actually loves a lot about L.A. He has long said that while San Francisco is the most pretentiously unpretentious city in the U.S. L.A. is the most unpretentiously pretentious city of the nation. It celebrates and does not apologize for its gloss and glitz, yet some of the brightest and most sensitive people I have known are from there.

San Francisco on the other hand...Oh don't get me started. I even get into trouble when I say I am going "downtown." Well, there really isn't such a place here. I usually mean that when I am going in the general vicinity of Union Square to Embarcadero. I got into the same problem when I called Midtown Manhattan the same.

Nabbing (yes, I actually paid for them) three DVDs got me to thinking about a comment from someone the other day who said "You can get anything on DVD now." Sorry, not true. While you can find the first couple of seasons of C.H.I.P.S. on multi-disc sets, there is still a number of things that border on criminal for their lack of release. I could give a long list, but here is my current top five.

5.) Cruising (1980) directed by William Friedkin. I sort of cringe putting this on the list. I may or may not buy it when it's released on September 18. Yes, it's hard to watch but in a train wreck kind of way. I actually saw it just before it was released when I was working for a movie theater circuit. I saw it in a screening room with a group of 20-25 straight men in gray suits, grunting and smirking and making snide remarks. It's often very bizarre yet still captures the vibe and scene of a very specific time in a way that those who were there say for all its wrongheadedness is often accurate at capturing a long lost era and many people on the screen who likely died within a few years after its release. The flick's not without its laughs, such as the scene of the cop/Honcho magazine model bitch slapping Pacino who seems to have gone into denial that he ever made the film.

4) Berlin Alexanderplatz (1980) directed by Rainer W. Fassbinder. After a highly praised screening in New York this spring, this epic swan song of one of German's five greatest directors is supposedly being released by Criterion "this fall," but I have yet to see a release date. At five and a half hours, I can't imagine the price tag. Since many single disc Criterion's can fetch $36, I may need to take out a second mortgage for this one. But I can guarantee I will buy it.

3) Die 3groschenoper (1931) directed by G.W. Pabst. Okay, this one was likely to be my #1. Arguably the greatest pre-war German director (I put him far above Lang), the greatest piece of musical theater of the 20th century (Sorry, Sound of Music, Oklahoma!, My Fair Lady don't come close) and Lotte Lenya all in the same screen is more than I can stand. It's a flawed adaptation of the Brecht-Weill stage version, missing many key songs, but still often brilliant. I actually have a VCR to VHS to DVD copy of a late 1980s WNET-TV broadcast that is of surprisingly decent quality (even featured in an episode of Junk Thief TV), but I've longed for the day when a nice print might be available. If there were justice, KINO might take a crack of it. Knowing it will never happen, I did a quick search, and effing mother of god!!! A Criterion release is coming September 18. Eight days before my birthday. Thanks for considering buying it for me, but I've already pre-ordered it. There is a God after all.

2) Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977) directed by Richard Brooks. Okay, okay. This is almost up there with Cruising, but it too is a key product of its times. Keaton was brilliant in it. It was Richard Gere's first significant role. And Tuesday Weld was...well some say she should have played the lead. The soundtrack is pretty good too, certainly evoking the era, although already a bit dated (some going back to 1974) even when it was relased. I don't even have a VHS copy of it. Pity.

1) Play It As It Lays (1972) directed by Frank Perry. Alright. I have four words to say: WHERE. IS. THE. OUTRAGE. You can't find this on any format anywhere. It never airs anywhere. Tuesday Weld in the lead. Supporting work by Tammy Grimes and Anthony Perkins. Based on a book by Joan Didion. Never mind the lack of outrage about Iraq. Where is the outrage that we are denied this key important work of the late 20th century! I mean, you can get Mel Gibson in Tim, It's Pat, the Care Bear movies, but not this? Unite, take action, demand your rights. I refuse to leave this earth until I have a pristine print of this puppy to put in my highest definition, 70 foot wide, plasma, state of the art player. I just pray that it comes out before my eyesight and hearing give out.