Empty Rooms

Today I managed to do a fair amount of "real work" in addition to the final funeral arrangements. As with my mother's death, it has been hard to be at home waiting to go across the country to prepare the arrangements. I don't feel the sense of dread and fear that was there when she died. It all could turn once I am on the ground, and I think the after part will be the hardest. This is a milestone in our family with the passing of the last of his four siblings, one of the few cousins of his generations left, etc. Being the senior generation of our immediate family is something I feel better prepared for than I thought I would be, but I also want to see it as a time to reinvent and redirect my life. I will always be a son, but not in the way that I used to be. What I don't want to do is now over-sentimentalize my father, but remember him for all his strengths, mysteries and faults. But I have to admit there is a lot more of the first two than the latter.