Monday, May 28, 2007

Flowers on the Grave of Bad Boyfriend Voodoo

In the spirit of Memorial Day, JunkThief was planning to write a post that paid tribute to the worst break-up lines or things that inspired JunkThief to dump his various past boyfriends. You know, sort of like putting flowers on the grave of love gone baf. But there were a number of distractions (also known as having a life).

However, JunkThief decided to post one that finally drove him over the edge after three months of dating this fellow from The South (Mississippi Queen, if you know what I mean...).

It went like this:
"You know, I guess I'm really lucky that I've never been that much into clothes. I'm perfectly happy buying all my clothes at Mervyn's."

If he'd looked a bit better out of his clothes, this might have been forgiven, but, well...

Anyone with her/his own favorites is encouraged to comment. JunkThief may work on his own and submit them to Worst.Sex.Ever at the Bowery Poetry Club.

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9 Comments:

At 6:57 PM, Blogger Dave said...

I once had a boyfriend who told me that looking at porn was the same as cheating on him. As you might imagine, that one didn't last.

 
At 9:23 PM, Blogger David Rochester said...

My favorite remains "You know, you have some serious sexual limitations," from a woman whose problem with our sex life was that I refused to have sex without a condom, for the following two reasons:

1)She wasn't using any other form of contraception, and

2) She was positive for Hepatitis C.

 
At 7:02 AM, Blogger Salty Miss Jill said...

I can top you with that, Junk Thief...one of my exes told me that he was perfectly happy wearing the clothes his mother bought him from Mervyn's, since he couldn't be bothered with shopping. He was 32 at the time.

By the time I was done with him, he was all about the Prada and trunk sales. ;)

 
At 7:29 AM, Blogger Junk Thief said...

Dave - It's not the same thing. You made the right decision.

David - Ow, hope I never meet her.

Salty - Prada and trunk sales? Did he leave you for a guy named Mervyn?

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger Scot said...

Break ups... the major relationships have no great story, and the minor ones just disappear. Maybe it's the cement shoes tha make them vanish so completely.

 
At 1:32 PM, Blogger Junk Thief said...

Ew, Scot...you're starting to worry me. Is your last name Soprano by chance?

 
At 12:28 AM, Blogger Gavin Elster said...

I guess I'm nuts. I'd much rather have a closet full of the same outfits than have to pick out something interesting every day. I dont care what the hell the BF wears as long as it doesnt smell.

(Yes... that is an imaginary BF too)

 
At 7:22 AM, Blogger Salty Miss Jill said...

My now-fashion-concious ex-beau's new favorite pastimes are gardening and decorating his house...so funny you should mention that! Actually, I always thought he had latent homosexual tendancies, but he's WAY too uptight to act on any of them...not unlike one of the more closeted Tony Randall characters.;)

 
At 7:52 AM, Blogger Junk Thief said...

GAVIN - You always looked pretty snazzy in that big office of yours overlooking the Bay. Though, I guess you had a personal dresser on duty there at your digs in the Brocklebank.

SALTY: You mean Tony Randall was a...oh my God! I hope folks don't start saying things about me. 'Scuse me while I go change the oil in my pick up. Uh-hum, uh-hum...

 

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