Saturday, May 26, 2007

Overall Overhaul

There's a new contractor banging around the JunkPlex, and JunkThief is just itchin' with desire. He was a bit miffed because the fellow, Angelo, wanted to come at 7:30 a.m. to avoid Carnaval parking issues. 7:30 on Saturday? Well, good thing JunkThief only had two gimlets at Bruno's last night.

The payoff, he decided was the chance to see a hot little Guatemalan guy crawling around with a tool belt and screwdriver. Well, it turns out Angelo is Italian, and just as cute as a button. He can't be more than 5'8" tall. (Insiders know that JunkThief, at 6'2", is a real push over for shorter -- but not too short -- men.) And to top it off he's wearing overalls and a cap, asking if he can work on JunkThief's circuit box with an accent that makes JunkThief feel like he has buttah pumping through his veins. JunkThief also has a weakness for tradesmen. Enough of the endless chatter about French existentialism and Borges. And there's not a chance the plumber or electrician will torture you by making you listen to Celine Dion or Madonna.

It would be really shameless to take or publish a photo of the real Angelo (though we'll see how the day plays out), but this shot is pretty close to what's banging around in JunkThief's basement. Height challenged men with accents and Mediterranean heritage are always more than welcome to strap on their tool belts and spend some time at the JunkPlex.

UPDATE: At 1:32 p.m. Angelo's been having trouble sorting out all the wires in the basement, and is still cheerful but frustrated. (If not obvious: frustrated Italian = need for sexual release.) This dude's got some hilarious lines, but the best, and most exciting, was after trying to locate the transformer in my flat he exited saying: "The next time I knock on your door it's gonna be show time!" Got the message, ready to raise the curtain, dispense with the overture and get down with act one.

UPDATE 2: Angelo the electrician completed his job and said, "We'll I think I'm about ready to button up" and then asked for a check for $1,400. Why is that scene familiar? Always quick on his feet and seeing a chance for a return performance, JunkThief asked him to give him a big for a couple of additional sockets in the master bedroom. You can never have too much power for things you may want to plug in in the bedroom.

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At 10:21 AM, Blogger Robert said...

You mean you didn't answer the door with you, freshly showered, and just a towel wrapped around your waist...

"Oops! Don't mind that. You're right on time my friend. Can I get you some tea??"

At 10:39 AM, Blogger Junk Thief said...

Actually, I was thinking of asking him if he'd like to join me for a shower when he wraps up and I finish gardening. I thought that would be a direct and practical way to get down to business quickly. I think most tradesmen appreciate not wasting precious time on preliminaries.

At 12:14 PM, Blogger Dave said...

Right on. My last three S.O.s have been contractors or manual laborers of some kind. I sort of have a thing for calluses and dirty fingernails.

Anyway, if pornography has taught us anything, it is that Guatemalan contractors are always ready for action. Que le aproveche.

At 12:54 PM, Blogger Junk Thief said...

Oh, sí, sí, Señor "Tugboat," ladrón de la chatarra conviene. Los trabajadores guatemaltecos son calientes y listos para la acción.

Okay, I get the Spanish, but what is an "S.O."? A sleep over? Or is that some special New Awlins treat that I should know about?

At 4:34 PM, Blogger Dave said...

What, y'all don't abbreviate "significant other" where you come from?

At 5:02 PM, Blogger Junk Thief said...

W'ayl, slap mah face! I guess my S.O's tend to be more sleep overs and my others tend to be pretty insignificant. Though I'm open to your style of S.O.'s, provided things don't pan out with Angelo and all his tools.


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