Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Something in the Air, But What Is It?

JunkThief departs TiBeCa to visit
ghosts in his old Soho neighborhood.

Barely 24 hours into this visit to Manhattan and not much more than that to go, and something simultaneously familiar and totally new is tugging at me. It’s one of the strongest feelings I’ve had in a good decade. The abbreviated lunch with my ex W_____ didn’t even trigger it, and I’m not fully sure what did or what it is.

Every time I come here, my heart and head both ask what insanity keeps me in California with its bland niceness and nothing to complain about and nothing to rave about. (A stifling subway ride back to Midtown did remind me of some of the things that I do prefer about California.) When I lived here, California was always intriguing but never seductive. More than a decade there it is familiar but not the place that fuels my dreams.

All of this sounds like I may be feeling the familiar pressure to move back here, and there are now few obstacles to keep me from doing so. But is it the right choice? Compared to Buenos Aires? Or Geneva? Or Chicago? Or…or…or…

It may be none of those things. All I know is that it’s been hitting me like a ton of bricks with great urgency, demanding to be sorted out and acted upon with passion. I have hints of what it may be about, but I also feel it is still a great mystery. In short, something that is almost there but threatening to slip away from my grasp. I’ve survived well on instinct and impulses much of my life but have lately prided myself on my sense of providence and planning. All of these things seem ready to collide.

Back in the comfort of home, I am not sure how this will sort out. But I feel the pounding drumbeat of change that I’ve ignored for too long, and it won’t rest silent this time.

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9 Comments:

At 5:34 AM, Blogger Dave said...

Judging from your expression, I'd say whatever's in the air smells like Bigfoot's dick.

 
At 6:04 AM, Blogger Junk Thief said...

Hmm, Dave. It sounds like you've smelled it before. Actually, that sour expression is my "Don't mess with me, I'm from New Yahk" look when this city had more edge. Now it's one big outdoor mall.

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger WAT said...

Good Lord Junky! You look miserable! And strangely attractive!

Please post some move vivid New York shots okay? I'm actually curious.

 
At 10:22 AM, Blogger Junk Thief said...

We will work on more vivid shots. JunkThief does not smile in photos to keep up the tuff hombre image. Strangely attractive is the motto of Manhattan.

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Scot said...

I cold make a pun about the beat of change and changing the way you beat, but that's just not helpful. I do know the little drummer boy and he can be a persistant little bastard. I hope you find what it is that's making you so unsettled.

 
At 2:03 PM, Blogger Robert said...

You need to be tickled pink.

Always good to see pictures of bloggers tho! Methinks.

 
At 2:04 PM, Blogger Robert said...

Hey, no typos! Imagine that!!!

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger J. David Zacko-Smith said...

Wow! Very exciting! I have experienced what you are experiencing before - and I am, myself, also in a build up to change. After 12 years in Seattle I am ready for something new...either the desert (Phoenix), NYC, or Paris.

 
At 10:32 PM, Blogger Eva the Deadbeat said...

pounding beat of change! indeed! so eloquent and so mysterious! you describe it well! we are fellow wanderers, vagabonds, gypsies, wanderlust-ers, seekers, for sure.

hope our paths cross in SF! my beat pounds for settling these days! weird weird and unusual for me?!?! i am stuck and i love it???!!!

 

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