Monday, June 16, 2008

Is B.O. a Fragrance?

I've had a frequent conversation with an ex who works at a very PC human service agency that enforces a very strict, no tolerance fragrance free work place. Out of protest, he frequently wears (gasp) cologne, and the woman who most frequently protests reeks of B.O., garlic and farts which she insists are "a natural body function of a woman over 50" and completely free of toxic chemicals such as cologne produced by evil multi-national corporations.

In my youth, I had a certain fondness for colognes but now have a large basket of them gathering dust and having long lost their potency. I really don't object to them in the right venue, but I really don't encounter them that much these days and in this city. I've had a surprising number of job applicants who've shown up bathed in them, and usually it's used to cover up cigarette stench. Too much cologne on a woman is annoying, but on a non-smoking man it can be simultaneously inappropriate and unsettlingly arousing.
My former fondness for cologne has long since been usurped by a near fetish for soaps that exceed the cost of most colognes and are a part of my traveling kits since I've rarely found a tolerable hotel soap, regardless to how many stars in the hotel's ranking. The other scent I can't tolerate is lower end shaving creams that always make me feel like I should go join the Shriners after using them. Mind you, I think Shriners are pretty cool, but I don't want to smell like one.

The only thing more mysterious to me than Axe body wash (something so wacko even straight boys thought it stunk) is Tom's of Maine deodorant which I think is made from corn starch, water and baking soda and 100% useless.

The oddest scent craze to me is that of cucumber. I generally think of cucumbers being odorless or having an odor so faint that I don't really sense much of it. But after using cucumber scented cleaning products, I am always feeling that I'm the size of cucumber seed in a sea of cucumber odor.

However, the aforementioned fragrance intolerant are not a silent minority and are demanding their legal rights as reported in the Huffington Post. Ariana, however, I have heard has a cologne bar in her bedroom.

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At 5:24 PM, Blogger rich bachelor said...

As regards Tom's of Maine: (sigh) guilty. I hate deodorant, but also understand that not everyone is as enamored of my musky glamour as I am, so...

The point is, Tom's makes me smell even more like I am not wearing deodorant, if such a thing is possible, and that renders them basically useless. Sorry, Tom's, but it's true.

Also, I hate Maine.

At 7:35 PM, Blogger marxsny said...

I too never really thought a cucumber had much of a scent. I think there is a little bit of improvisation involved in the creation of the cucmber fragrance. I do have this cucumber mint soap from Restoration Hardware that I really like though. My favorite is the triple milled Aloe Vera from Crabtree & Evelyn as long as we are on the subject of soap fetishes.

At 10:04 PM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Rich - Maine is just Bostonians pretending they're from Bellingham.

Mark - Restoration Hardware does some great candles. I could never spend more than $20 on cologne but wouldn't bat an eye spending $30-40 on the right candle.

At 11:05 PM, Blogger WAT said...

Axe Body Wash is horrible! But the body sprays are great. I have Tom's deodorant. It's okay and works alright, as long as you rub it on about fifteen times. LOL.

At 11:12 PM, Blogger Ladrón de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

WAT - I think even straight boys don't like AXE. Oddly, I actually like Tom's toot paste.


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