Free Tiny Tim!

If you fall into that half of the population that think the music of Tiny Tim is great art, not comparable to cats mating or fingernails on a blackboard, then I strongly recommend a visit to Fudgeland. You'll find the entire performance (minus one tune where the engineer had to change tapes) from a 1968 Vancouver concert where he played with Country Joe and the Fish. Hearing Tiny rework "I Got You Babe," singing both Sonny and Cher's parts as a duet with two of his selves is a feat to behold that brings in the sun on a grey Thursday.

Colour Me Something

Is it homophobic or self loathing to simultaneously laugh and wince at a hideous queen getting away with just shy of murder while sucking up pints of vodka? That was the queasy feeling I got about 2/3rds of the way through Colour me Kubrick this evening. I really didn't get a chance to discuss it in any detail with my non-date (okay a fig). It was at the 2/3rds point that the various tricks and over-acting seemed to come crashing back, though it almost redeemed itself in the final minutes with Ken Russell impersonating a man deluded into thinking he was Ken Russell throwing Jello in the air. And then there was just the thrill of cameos by Honor Blackman and Marissa Berenson. I'll sleep on it, but I think I will have long forgotten the film by the morning. It was just like a bottle of cheap champagne that is frothy, sweet and forgotten even before your head hits the pillow.

A Date? At My Age I'd Settle for a Fig!!!!

The slides show starts over here.

24 Years Ago - Stalking Memories & Raspberry Kimonoes

The twisted tale of the past couple weeks of the thwarted perusal of Gavin Newsom by Han Shin, the much scrutinized photo of them with His Honor wearing a raspberry kimono and Sup. Dufty's characterization of the alleged stalker as "a cross between Liberace and Hello Kitty" brought back some bittersweet memories.

Back in the period of 1983 to 1985, Junk Thief was the object of at least two stalkers of varying levels of mystery. One called Junk Thief's home regularly, giving an actual name and pleading to hook up, claiming to be a former neighbor. Repeated refusals of the offer did not deter him. It went from annoying to creepy when he proceeded to describe what I was wearing and where I was standing in my living room, visible from the eight-foot glass windows nine stories down. For no apparent reason, the almost nightly calls ceased for six months, would return for a week or so and finally disappeared.

Around the same time, a female friend (I won't use the FH word for fear of linking her to Ann Coulter) in the top image where she is wearing her ever popular bee keeper uniform was being pursued by a married municpal employee. She caroused my involvement by calling the guy to tell him to stop. Although it encouraged him to give up on annoying her, he proceeded with a series of "I gonna getcha" calls and carved his name into the fender of my car. Not a great idea to leave your signature when vandalizing property. By coincidence, I met him on a work related assignment with my job as a newspaper editor, and we both seemed to be a bit surprised by the dramatic disparity in our mutual physical statures -- he was at least seven inches shorter than I. Though I am pretty much a total wimp, I sometimes under estimate how I am perceived by men smaller than I, even banty rooster types such as him.

Oh, and around the same time I did a series of stories about a sex scandal within an evangelical church (why do they never happen with Unitarians? Oh, right, Birkenstocks aren't too sexy). Anyway, I got a series of calls from unidentified members who promised to expose me as a faggot and Nazi. And then it advanced to "gonna getcha" and even death threats. Maybe it goes back to my dad's teachings of the best way to diffuse a bully is to ignore them. So I usually responded to the "Gonna kick your ass, faggot" calls with "Fine, could you give me a time range on that and your name so I can plan my day." Those calls never amounted to anything.

And THEN, I went on a date with a guy who revealed just after kissing me goodnight that he was in a long-term relationship. Oh, great. I called it off and never had a second date, but his significant other (I finally gathered after details that crept up in the calls) phoned me at work and home off and one for nearly 18 months. This little queen's violent banter was even more threatening than the evangelicals. And he just as mysteriously would disappear or reappear, and then he stopped.

Then, two years later, his mother came to work at the same place as I. Shortly after she became irate with her supervisor (whom I had huge conflicts as well), the supervisor started getting threatening calls from an unknown male who used the exact lines that my mystery caller sent.

I never got any snapshots from the waste down or pink kimonoes, but, ah, the memories of being stalked. One of the advantages of rotting away into my dottage is that the risk of being the object of an inappropriate obsession diminshes daily.

Ann Coulter -- Hag or Fag Hag?

Not even a week after calling John Edwards a fag hag, it turns out Ann Coulter is hanging out with the real thing. One Marine Corps reservist and Columbia University student Cpl. Matt Sanchez has been making the conservative talk shows recently complaining that he has been attacked by leftist student groups for his military service. He was at the Conservative Political Action Coalition event last week where Coulter made her infamous remark and reportedly posed with him for the above photo. Fair and routine enough, but it appears Sanchez did share with Ann, Bill O'Reilly and other right wing pals some of his previous gigs. Not that JunkThief regularly follows that sort of thing, but he had a flourishing career on the DVD and VHS rental circuit under the name of Rod Majors and made such high toned flicks as Jawbreaker, Donkey Dick, and Glory Holes Of Fame 3, using his often reported "11-inch uncut monster cock" to burn a few memories. f Well, JunkThief thought that face and, uh...voice were familiar. But his film work featured much simpler words. An evolving account of this is evolving over at the great joe.my.god site, and it will be interesting to see how it evolves. "Sanchez" has launched his own blogger site and MySpace site. If, in fact, it turns out to be true that he was attacked by a group of campus socialists at Columbia, he has a right to speak out and ask for action from the administration. And he does not necessarily have an obligation to details his sexuality or porn career when taking on this new issue. However, to suddenly cozy up to people as rabidly anti-gay as Coulter and O'Reilly is where a line is drawn. Just when it seemed all the Republican closet doors had blown open, Cpl. Sanchez's case suggest there are many more still in hiding.

So it will be interesting to see where this goes from here. Maybe Matt can invite Ann for a coffee date to go check out the next sale at Barney's or the matinee of Grey Gardens.

UPDATE: The story has since made it onto MSNBC's Countdown as well as Salon.com where he wrote a rather wimpy letter, admitting his past but defending his present.

UPDATE: And it just keeps getting freakier. With a USMC investigation underway, Sanchez's website just keeps gettin' stranger.

Molene - The Legend Returns

Have I happened to mention the huge concert on New Year's that my dear friend Molene Jackson is putting on? Her first in, well...a while.

Tickets sold out 90 seconds after of going on sale, and one poor matron from Rye, New York, was trampled to death in all the hub bub surrounding the release of the tickets. I've heard that some tickets have shown up on eBay for $10,000 but I question how long they will last.

I've known Mo since 1980 when she was working in a catheter factory. She now works in a dairy products factory but is still an eternal legend all the same. I just feel honored to have been able to have helped with this little video promoting the concert.

Jan Crouch Declares Holy War!

There are drag kings, MtoFs, FtoMs, hermaphadrites, and plain old drag queens…and then there is Jan Crouch. Jan, who is somewhere on the scale of entertainer and snake oil huckster, is rumored to be a biological female, but I certainly never want to be the one who would have the bitter task of confirming that. But for sheer train wreck entertainment value, no one can top Jan. She makes Tammy Fae seem a tad too subdued and intelligent.

Jan’s side show extravaganzas began as a child with her oft told story of getting into faith healing by anointing a dead baby chicken with oil and bringing it back to life. She’s never elaborated whether or not the chick in turn sent her a check or major credit card in order to receive one of her free love gifts. But Jan’s career and move to Orange County would soon follow. More recently she has embarked on a global doll ministry in which she gives little girls in the former Soviet block a Barbie doll and a Bible. I’m not sure what she gives the boys? Are GI Joe dolls too girly for a televangelist?

Jan would be just old fashioned funny not scary were she not just a sideshow freak. Instead, today she has become the dominant paradigm of political discourse. That’s why I developed my little Jan Crouch Declares Holy War video. Oh, in case you didn’t realize it, this is supposed to be satire. Though I would doubt Jan would disagree with any of the sentiments.

And, as you listen the vocals, you may likely ask if that little girlish voice singing is Jan? Well, actually Jan sings an octave or two higher. That is the voice of “Little Marcy.’

*******SPOILER ALERT*************

Little Marcy was very popular on the Sunday School and Vacation Bible School circuit in the late 1960s and throughout the 1970s when she released such classic albums as “Little Marcy Sings to $1.98 Children.” What was always mysterious was that whenever Little Marcy sang, she was accompanied by “Big Marcy,” a woman by the name of Marcy Tigner. Alas, I hate to break the news that only recently has been revealed: Little Marcy wasn’t a girl at all but a doll used as a tool of Big Marcy. There’s a lot on the ‘net about Little Marcy, but this is a good start for those who’ve never had the Little Marcy Experience.

And, if you’ve never had the full Jan Crouch Experience, this is not a bad place to start. (Of course AFTER checking out my Jan Crouch Declares Holy War video.) Further evidence of Jan's seemingly unlimited talents can be viewed here in which she transforms into Nina Hagen. When you think about it, they have more in common than you might first realize.