People Get Ready

Friday's Coffee Break - Not on Heavy Rotation at Starbucks

Ann Coulter was in town this morning and just dropped by for coffee and her ever witty chit chat. As such a stylish gal for whom aesthetics are always such a huge issue, I had to make sure I'd set the proper mood. After getting her a cup as she screamed "Room! Room! Save some room in that puppy!" as I poured from the sterling silver carafe that Jean Kirkpatrick willed me, Ann gracefully pulled out a little flask to top off her java. (Jean claimed the treasure she bequeathed me was made from the silver mines of Potosi, Bolivia, where tens of thousands of Aymarans died. She also had a great collection of blood diamonds and South African gold bracelets that she'd picked up during her years of public service.)

As we retired to my formal dining room for a little chit chat, Ann's face burst into a girlish smile as I put the platter featured above on my turntable. Needless to say she was humming along and seemed more engaged in the music than our conversation. No great reveals, just a bit of that Coulter charm to warm up a foggy Friday a.m.

It seemed she'd barely arrived when she finished her second cup (just a little coffee in her tonic this time) and she announced she was off to speak at a tea at the Mark Hopkins to unveil the 10 top myths about global warming.

"Brr, it's sure chilly here for May," she said as she adjusted her sable over her stylish shoulders. "That'll bust another hole in Al Gore's ozone theory. Ha, ha, ha." She staggered a bit too much for 9:30 am.

I passed no judgment but did scoff, "Ann, you know, if you wore something with a little more fabric than a cocktail dress these San Francisco mornings wouldn't feel so cold."

"Ah, phoeey," she said, her golden locks blowing in the wind, and then the clickity clack of her Manolo Blahnik stilettos whisked her up York Street to her waiting limo that whizzed north to Nob Hill.

A deep sigh, and I went back to work. Ah, that Ann, ever the fun girl to spice up a morning.

The School Yard -- and No More

One last shot on the Ann Coulter f-word stories and no more. Far too many inches of type have been taken up here and elsewhere on a media parasite whose true colors and vapidity have been best revealed in her defense of why she called John Edwards a faggot. "It was a school yard taunt," she explained, and she knew everyone would know that this married father of multiple children was a man whose sexuality could never be questioned.

She was implying, she explained, that he is a wimp, a wuss, like all Democrats and she would have said the same thing about Dean, Kerry or any others running. It was a joke, and a dern fine one she had to admit, and just a school yard taunt.

Ann clarified two things:

First, she always stays on message, even if that message is garbage and she speaks jibberish. That doesn't matter, since she makes a big stink and tries to belittle her targets, drive traffic to her website and sell her books. No one ever remembers anything but her insults. Can anyone quote one word she has said about what is great about her party? Her 9/11 widows quote, Kerry bashing, et. al. are well remembered, but she has yet to say one word that will go down in history about what is so great about the G.O.P. Without liberals, she'd join the tapeworms, ticks and other bloodsucking scum that know they can only survive on the flesh of an unwitting host. Ann always gets back to her core message: Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! That's really all she has to say. Any pretense of trashing Democrats or extolling Republicans is secondary window dressing. All she cares about is moving her products, and the louder and cruder she can be, the more attention she gets and thus more sales. With Ann, the only option is to dis-engage the parasite, flush and move on.

Second, she was absolutely correct that it was a school yard taunt, and that's exactly where her level of civic engagement belongs -- at the back of the class with the rowdy boys making fart noises. I'm sure she'd consider that to be a hoot too, and that's where she should hang out.

In the meantime, we adults need to think about Darfur, AIDS, avionj flu, viable options for the 2008 election, Bush's reaction to progressive governments in Latin America, the tentative peace in Nepal and Timor Leste, anti-Arab sentiment in France. Junk Thief promises to return to those issues, cats and door knobs. Bye, Ann.

Ann Coulter -- Hag or Fag Hag?

Not even a week after calling John Edwards a fag hag, it turns out Ann Coulter is hanging out with the real thing. One Marine Corps reservist and Columbia University student Cpl. Matt Sanchez has been making the conservative talk shows recently complaining that he has been attacked by leftist student groups for his military service. He was at the Conservative Political Action Coalition event last week where Coulter made her infamous remark and reportedly posed with him for the above photo. Fair and routine enough, but it appears Sanchez did share with Ann, Bill O'Reilly and other right wing pals some of his previous gigs. Not that JunkThief regularly follows that sort of thing, but he had a flourishing career on the DVD and VHS rental circuit under the name of Rod Majors and made such high toned flicks as Jawbreaker, Donkey Dick, and Glory Holes Of Fame 3, using his often reported "11-inch uncut monster cock" to burn a few memories. f Well, JunkThief thought that face and, uh...voice were familiar. But his film work featured much simpler words. An evolving account of this is evolving over at the great joe.my.god site, and it will be interesting to see how it evolves. "Sanchez" has launched his own blogger site and MySpace site. If, in fact, it turns out to be true that he was attacked by a group of campus socialists at Columbia, he has a right to speak out and ask for action from the administration. And he does not necessarily have an obligation to details his sexuality or porn career when taking on this new issue. However, to suddenly cozy up to people as rabidly anti-gay as Coulter and O'Reilly is where a line is drawn. Just when it seemed all the Republican closet doors had blown open, Cpl. Sanchez's case suggest there are many more still in hiding.

So it will be interesting to see where this goes from here. Maybe Matt can invite Ann for a coffee date to go check out the next sale at Barney's or the matinee of Grey Gardens.

UPDATE: The story has since made it onto MSNBC's Countdown as well as Salon.com where he wrote a rather wimpy letter, admitting his past but defending his present.

UPDATE: And it just keeps getting freakier. With a USMC investigation underway, Sanchez's website just keeps gettin' stranger.

Coulter Recants...Sort Of

Though engaging in dialogue with Ann Coulter is like playing ball with a rabid dog, it's hard not to at least acknowledge her recent implication she made that John Edwards is a "faggot." Coulter, pictured right at a press conference where she spoke about the supposed verbal slip, is rare evidence of a transgendered M to F (or is it the other way around or just plain MF?) who still manages to be a prick. Coulter told the New York Times the remark was meant as a joke. "I would never insult gays by suggesting that they are like John Edwards," she said. "That would be mean." To borrow from the old Truman Capote about Jacqueline Susann, I'd call Coulter a crack whore but I don't want to insult the crack whores. After all, unlike Ann they're just trying to make an honest dollar.