Neurotic Like Me

(Transcript of an actual phone conversation on the road)

Sunday, July 30, 2006

3:17 a.m. - Airport South Comfort Inn, South Meridian Boulevard, Oklahoma City

Room 205 Phone: Bring, Bring, Bring, Bring, Bring, Bring, Bring

Me: (Searching for the alarm clock first, then see what time it is, then sloppily pulling the phone to my ear.) Huh? Uh, what, hello?

Room 207: (A slight South Asian accent) What room is this?

Me: Huh, what, is this the front desk.

Room 207: I asked, what room is this!!

Me: Uh, 502 or 205 or 250. I forget.

Room 207: Well, I am in 207, you're TV is entirely too loud! It is entirely too loud and I cannot sleep.

Me: Uh, I haven't had the TV on and I was sleeping when you called.

Room 207: You @#$#&%-ing liar!!! I just walked by your room and that TV is entirely too loud! Entirely too loud! I cannot sleep.

Me: I do not have a TV on.

Room 207: You#$@#$&**()#@(*&$()*#!!! You worthless #@*#($&*(#$)&-ing #*(#@$&#$( I am going to kick your ass!

Me: I am very sorry you are having a problem with the TV in the room next to you. I strongly suggest you call the front desk or the cops and have them take care of it. The blaring TV is not in my room.

Room 207: You #$#&$#^*&#^$*&# I will get you!

Phone: (As I put it back in the cradle) Clunk, kerplunk

Silence for the next 4 hours and 11 minutes before my alarm sounds.

Okay, next time I'll follow by better instincts and pay the extra $40 for the Four Points Inn.