I'll Wake You Up in Fresno and Buy You a Slurpie

Growing up in the Midwest in a liberal Unitarian family, I always had a warped view of California due to distant relatives who moved there during the Dust Bowl and were scattered about in the trailer parks and subdivisions of Bakersfield and Orange County. This branch of the family was headed by chain smoking, white-panted, Reagan loving matriarchs with stoner sons whom they were often rescuing from peril. "It ain't that he's a bad kid, it's just all those outside influences we got goin' in California these days."

I think this is my all time favorite Tracey Ullman Ruby Romaine sketch, and nothing captures that branch of the family better. A couple of years ago one of my third cousins, who is a prison guard, was proudly showing his e-bride that purchased for $3,500 and was set to come straight from Manila to Bakersfield later that year. I wonder if he ended up at the Army of Armageddon?

I suggest that Ann Coulter watch the clip below since this is what she'll look like in about five years.