Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Jew in the Face and Longer Each Day

One of my exes is going in for his second nose job next week. Like all of his siblings and cousins, he received his first one as a high school graduation present from his Jewish grandmother. The first one was done by a hack doctor in Long Island City during the second Reagan Administration. We're both half Jewish, though my lineage is paternal and his is maternal, so I've been told by several other exes that I'm a fake half Jew. Regardless, this ex said his main attraction to me in the beginning was that I had such a Jewish face and features, except that my nose was so clearly from the French lineage of my mother. Looking at photos from two, three generations and further back of ancestors in Quebec and eventually Normandy, I can see the same nose. So he's probably right. I don't exactly love my nose, but I don't obsess about it the way I do my other flawed body parts.

He, like 85% of my exes, was born in 1968. Three of them have had some form of surgical facial transformation and are a good decade my juniors. Thus I am sure that I am desperately overdue. When I was in my 20s, I was dating a guy who said that if he had all the money in the world, there would be two things he'd want to do to transform his appearance. I shocked him by saying that there were 78 things I'd want to change. I'm so old now, I don't know that I'd even bother with such futile procedures. And it might take the Jew out of my face.

Since last week's purchase of The Jazz Singer, I've been continually obsessed by Jolson and other Jewish entertainers that died or were popular years before I was born. One of the great revelations in The Jazz Singer is that Jolson swung his hips much more than Elvis did three decades later. I'm sure seeing someone so ethnic doing that really scared them in Peoria. More than Jolson, I adore Eddie Cantor. There is something so intentionally obnoxious and unstoppable about him. Whoopee (1930) is one of my favorite musicals, nothing beats a two-strip Technicolor musical about a Jew in black face out west. I love his version of Everybody Loves My Baby even more than Nina Simone's.

And just look at Eddie's face above and then glance at my profile. Couldn't he pass for my great-grandpa?

I've been re-watching the opening minutes and extras of Peter Jackson's King Kong (2005) . Things got really boring once they left the Hoovervilles in Central Park. However, they did have Jolson singing I'm Sittin' on Top of the World during the opening credits. Too bad they didn't let Kong sing some Eddie Cantor songs during his stage act. He certainly could pass for my uncle Chester, a burly Jew in black face.

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At 3:25 PM, Blogger Scot said...

Hmm. The big questions about cosmetic surgury are "Where do you start?" and even worse "Where do you stop."
I'd like to have back that thick mane I had in high school, but I don't really want that giant happy face on the back of my head for plugs and the pills are a little scary, so f it. I just need to keep the sides from gettin gtoo bushy or I look like my dad, never a good choice.

At 3:30 PM, Blogger Ladron de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Scot - F it is always an appropriate response. Based on your recent shot in the tank top with the wanes coating, I'd say you have nothing to worry about. You look plenty sleek, and it wasn't the top (or sides) of your head that I was looking at anyway.

At 2:49 AM, Blogger Wesley Darling said...

You know, I always hated my nose growing up, but I sort of grew into it. Now it's one of my favorite features! I generally like my facial features, but I wouldn't mind having plumper lips. Does an outpatient 'procedure' count against me?

At 9:19 AM, Blogger Gary said...

F it indeed. I think being someone who was never known for their good looks makes it easier to age without so much drama. How difficult it must be for the great beauties and handsome studs to suddenly (so it seems) not getting all of the attention and admiration because of the way they look. Self worth can be tied up in that and although it would have been nice when I was younger, I am grateful now that I was not a head turner. As my ex used to say "looks are fading, but charm is forever".

At 9:45 AM, Blogger Ladron de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Wesley - Plump lips are good at any age.

Gary - I have to disagree with the comment about you not being a head turner either as a youth or now. Either way, I think your charm is eternal.

At 4:34 PM, Blogger kusala said...

I have serious problems with cosmetic surgery. I am so against it that my attitude probably qualifies as neurosis itself. "What the world needs now is love, sweet self-love."

I have never been thrilled with my looks, but at least I haven't been stupid enough to think that some slicing with a scalpel would really correct that frame of mind. At some point, I realized I was not a WASP who would be featured in any Ralph Lauren ads, but oh well... one of many things I'll never be.

However, I find myself fantasizing about liposuction lately. Sigh. (No, it's not really a possibility, but it is a fleeting thought at times.)

At 4:39 PM, Blogger Ladron de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

Kusala - Based on your blog photos, I'd say you have no need to go under the knife. The fact that you AREN'T a WASP that will show up in a Ralph Lauren ads is one of the many positive attributes you possess, at least in my book.

At 5:40 PM, Blogger kusala said...

Photoshop and indirect lighting really can work wonders... but I'm flattered, once again. Thank you.


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