Caption This

Although I've been back since March, some of my fellow travelers just sent me a CD of photos that included this one where I made a speech on the main plaza of Guaranda, Ecuador. You can make up your own description of what you think is going on here.

Don Charlie and the Chocolate Factory of Ecuador

Nestled high above the valleys of Bolivar Province and about an hour away from Guaranda, Salinas is an Andean Swiss village with world-class chocolate and cheese, much of it exported weekly to Italy. Much of the production was started by Swiss man. I have a fairly strong chocolate allergy and could stay in the factory for only about four minutes before getting nauseous. I have the opposite of an allergy for cheese, and the string mozzarella was heavenly.

Left Turn Yield on Green?

Once upon a time, I actually had mild respect for John McCain as a Republican who would not sell his soul to the flock of sewer maggot Evangelicals. It seems they have since infested his brain like the maggots that they are, moving from the fecal matter of Bush's shallow, alcoholic cranium to the septuagenarian senator (already a year older than Reagan when he first ran) from Arizona. Tonight we hear him on 60 Minutes, musing, "I say 'I know that I can.' But I also believe that America is a right-of-center nation. And I think that Senator Obama and Senator Clinton, with all due respect, are liberal Democrats. And I'm a conservative Republican. So I believe I can make a better case to the American people."

Just when it seems that any hope for the future of the world lies outside of the U.S., there was speculation that The Right would take back power in Spain. However, sanity prevailed, with tonight's election results proving that my plans to relocate there should not be abandoned. Though there is that little Euro-dollar conversion thing. At least you can still get gas for $1.98 a gallon in Ecuador .

The Other Di Vinci Code

With apologies to Kimy, Jill and other rodent-loving readers in this, The Year of the Rat, I present here my inevitable cuy post. In the past when I had cuy in the Andes it was pretty disgusting. It was usually either boiled or baked and was gray, greasy and disgusting. But this time is was perfectly grilled, and I had rib meat that tasted more like quail. I could actually grow fond of it.

I've never seen the signature photo above of the Last Supper with cuy, but I'd love to see it in the flesh some day.

However, as we were having dinner at the super groovy Las Palmeras just up the hill from Otavalo, on the second glass of wine, several of us leaned back to see the hilarious effigy of Our Lady of the Cuy towering above us, shown below. It also helped that after dinner I had a nearly orgasmic massage by a nerdy looking dude who had incredibly strong, Andean hands and a technique like none I'd had before. I tipped generously.

Journey to the Middle of the World

U.S. Route 66 has some stiff competition in Ecuador when it comes to roadside attractions. Ranging from cheesy to educational, you will find everything from helado shops with clown face trash cans, fresh fruit stands, grazing llamas and vicuñas and an occasional educational exhibit.

Think you know the highest point on earth? Don't dare to utter "Mount Everest" to an Ecuadorean, since they will likely contend it's Mount Chimborazo. I've seen both mountains but have climbed neither. I won't try weighing in on the issue but will share this explanation from the Physics Factbook:

Though most people have recognized the highest point as Mount Everest, Mount Chimborazo located near the city of Riobamba, Ecuador may also be considered as the highest point on earth. Although it is not as well known as Mount Everest, standing at 6310 meters it is also quite remarkable. Mount Chimborazo can be regarded as the highest point on earth because the planet is widest at the equator. The summit of Mount Chimborazo is then 3219 m further from the center of the earth than Mount Everest, making it what some consider the highest point. On the summit of Mount Chimborazo people will weigh less than any other location on earth.

I didn't really feel any magnetic energy when standing on the hemispheric dividing line, but there was something drawing me to that hombre in the orange hat who offered a nifty explanation of Mount Chimborazo's claim to being the king of all mountains. He had a voice that could melt snow on either of my poles.

If you'd like to support or learn more about his work, you can check it out at Quitsato.org

The One Day of the Cóndor

Taking my group to Otavalo, it first seemed that the highlight would be the main market, the previously noted meat market and the surrounding crafter villages. But the star attraction was up on a windswept hillside at Parque Cóndor. The birds were the true star attractions, but almost as memorable is park director, a Dutch man named Joep Hendriks. His love for these remarkable birds is equaled by their attachment to him.

In general I am opposed to zoos (poor Tatiana!), but this place is an appropriate place for humans and animals to converge. The only birds on display are those who have either imprinted with humans or who have been injured, have development problems or were abused by humans. There were some disturbing stories Joep shared of birds brought to him in paper bags, one that had been a pet of a priest and was near death when they found it, others that had horrible accidents before he rescued them.

Any bird that has a chance or recuperating and returning to the wild is kept out of display to avoid human imprinting. It was lucky for us that we saw a 35-year-old cóndor rescued from the Quito Zoo and spreading its magnificent wings.

I had the chance to let one of the birds perch on my gloved wrist, and I hope to have photos of me taken by my fellow travelers to post soon.

As a finale, Joep demonstrated some of the free flight animals.

El Angel - Bio-Paradise

My visit on February 26 to Carchi Province further brought out the many contradictions that exist in Ecuador. Heavy dependence on pesticides and fertilizers have made cost of production higher than purchasing potatoes, the main crop for campesinos in what was once a very productive area (I'll be writing more later...)

At the same time Carchi, located in the northern highlands near the border of Colombia (where young people are often abducted by para-military groups) has some of the most gorgeous and mysterious landscape in the region.

El Angel Reserve (above), located just a few minutes from the settlement of the same name, has a cool climate and is home to a variety of flora, such as the unique frailejón plant. Home to a large number of highland lakes and forests, the Reserve is the habitat of a variety of mammals, such as deer, rabbit and the paramo fox, and a slew of endemic bird species.

The village of El Angel with just 5,300 inhabitants seems, on the surface, to be just a typical village. Indigenous women stroll its streets carrying babies in their arms and items to sell in the market on their backs. Roosters crow at all hours, accompanied by braying donkeys. But strolling the streets one sees the first irony. Virtually all the streets have well maintained sidewalks with wheelchair and bicycle ramps. Try finding that in a city in the U.S. Midwest!

From the distance, the cathedral in the middle of town is impressive but not that remarkable for Latin America. Like many public spaces in Ecuador, it is surrounded by beautiful and sometimes quirky public art.

The real shock is another square (below) behind the church featuring the jaw-dropping topiaries of Jose Franco Guerrero, better known for his similar work in the cemetery in Tulcán. This park would be remarkable in Paris or Buenos Aires. To find it in a remote Ecuadorian village further builds my case made in my previous post comparing Quito to San Francisco.

Quito - 21st Century; San Francisco - 19th Century

Standing in line at the 16th and Mission Wells Fargo ATM this afternoon, I was taking a deep breath and trying to transport myself back barely 36 hours early when I was at the wonderful Cafe Cultura in Quito's La Marisical. In theory the U.S. is the "world's leading nation," and San Francisco is its golden child, a quaint, artsy city with perfectly swept streets and serves as the epicenter of the vanguard of technology and progress. Reality could not be further from that myth.

Granted, I'd heard of recent machete hold ups in La Marisical, but there is no question it is infinitely more civilized and classy than any spot in the Mission.

As I saw an inept technician pulling paper out of the ATM and a MUNI bus creaking by jam-packed with smelly, sloppily dressed passengers, I could not help but long to be back in Quito, the largest city in a nation with 60% of its population living in poverty. Yet, it has an amazingly effective bus system modeled on those of Curtiba, Brazil, and Bogota, Colombia. Both cities' bus systems are incredibly effective. Passengers enter a raised, glass enclosed structure and pay their fare in order to enter the sliding glass doors of the bus stop so they enter the bus without having to deal with the driver. Since the buses and platforms are at the same level, people in wheelchairs simply wheel in without any hassles. The buses are filled with clean, well dressed polite passengers similar to what one would see in Barcelona.

San Francisco, the alleged technology center of the world, has MUNI, a public transit system using 19th century technology, rude and incompetent drivers who are often crack addicts and earning $100,000 or more a year. Even a recent TV investigation has brought about no action or progress on the feces of humanity that drive these buses. If you are in a wheelchair, getting on the bus is extremely difficult. Out of desperation, many passengers enter illegally through the back door and are insulted or assaulted by the drivers. That is why I usually walk in this city.

I have worked nearly 20 years in a field that has taken me to many similar "third world" cities. Many times I am told that first and third world conditions exist in the same place. However, I am increasingly convinced that the U.S. is destined to become the capital of the New Third World by century's end, a place filled with exploited, deprived masses as the tiny ruling elite hunker down in their walled mansions. Bogota, once the most violent cities in the world, now has a crime rate lower than that of most major U.S. cities.

Need I explain why I hope to retire in South America, not the U.S.?

'This Is Not a Meat Blog' Visits Otavalo's Market

The Prodigal Ladrón Returns

Eight days. Seven beds. Several thousand kilometers. Undocumented numbers of cuys and llamas. No diarrhea. Many memories. Details to follow. A preview is offered for now.

Junk Thief´s Last Live Andean Post

Hola, Amigachos. So much to write. I am happily back in Quito for my last night in the southern hemisphere until my next visit. After a week in the campo, city life is a bit odd. It is wonderful to be back in the San Francisco like weather of Quito after a day in the Chota Valley. Our driver Francisco had near heat stroke, and fortunately we had a wilderness first responder to attend to him and all is well. It was a week of many adventures --from health clinics to farmer field schools to a condor rescue reserve. I was especially fond of the snow owls and harpy hawk.

Details (and 600 plus photos and three hours of video) to follow once I fly home EARLY Thursday via Miami.

Junk Thief - Live from Guaranda

Greetings from the cobble stone streeets of Guaranda. I have just come back from Salinas, the cheese and chocolate capital of Bolivar Province and head off to the northern highlands of Ecuador tomorrow. Today there was an extensive visit to a health clinic here in Guaranda that was, sadly, robbed last week of $25,000 worth of medical equipment. Considering this will cause challenges for them being able to pay their staff and provide deliveries to indigenous women f0r $50 or less compared to the local average of $200, this is tragic. But a happy ending and solution to the crisis are already in the works.

This internet cafe on the main plaza does not take SD cards, so no photos here until likely after I return. I did get some nice photos of cuys (live, not on the grill) in a village yesteday.

Special note to Bryce Digdug -- I saw a couple of vicunas mixed in with llamas on the road yesterday, but the van was moving too fast in the rain for any decent photos. I´ll continue to search for one if Bryce promises to vouch for me at customs when I fly into Miami next Thursday.

Hasta luego. amigachos!

By the Time I Get to Otavalo

By the time most of you read this, I will be off to the land of cuys, volcanoes and the pan flute. Just when I was starting to get a few Catalan words down, now it will get all muddled up with Quechua, or more accurately Kichwa in this part of the Andes. Perhaps if I'd not fallen asleep when my exes forced me to watch those boring Star Wars (or is it Star Trek) movies, I could have picked up some Huttesse which is supposedly based on Quechua and Aymara.

Have I eaten cuy before? Yes, and the old standby of "sort of like chicken" doesn't apply here. It tastes like greasy, disgusting rodent meat. So even if it is the year of the rat, I will make every effort to avoid it.

Actually, the trip will be focusing on the impact of toxic agri-chemicals, reproductive health, global warming, water harvesting and the Humanist movement. Since I never write about work here (and it's about as far removed from ascots, doorknobs, Weimar culture, and the Criterion Collection as one can get. If anyone is interested, I'd be happy to share details by email.

Oh, and I'll be on the outlook for vicunas for Bryce.

And the Winner Is...

...(for those who've been following this little saga) Ecuador in February 2008. With that and the Barcelona trip in November, my Spanish should be right good come early March. I should have no trouble making my way around Miami or my own 'hood by then. I'll just have to remember when and when not to lisp, but that's been a long standing issue for me in English too.

Flatter me and I just might pick up a little trinket for you in the markets in Cuenca and Otavalo.

One or the Other

By Friday, a decision is supposed to be made with work whether I'll be going to Ecuador or Nepal in March. I've been to the former three times, the latter five. So I am hoping it's the former. Though the latter would be fine, albeit not with a 20 hour flight.

However, I don't think I can negotiate my way out of those trips to Fresno and Wichita.